My pub is miles from anything up on Exmoor, so I am one of the last people to hear about new fashions and trends in language and culture.
I have been told that the way I speak might be normal for in my own pub but it is dangerous anywhere else. These days just one wrong word could get me totally cancelled or arrested. Even if I don’t mean it to be offensive or incite hatred it just needs one person to say they think I did.
To help avoid this risk some of the locals have offered to media train me. A farmer, who wants to remain anonymous, has leant an electric dog training collar which I wear around my neck and my election agent, who has been on Radio 4 and knows all about this stuff, zaps me if he thinks I have used a banned word or the swearing (which is legal and is always on telly these days) gets a bit too much.
Depending on my mistake he can electrocute me from strength one to six. Six is very memorable and I am never saying that again.
Obvs, I will be asking the hustings organisers if I should wear the training collar at their events, though I will say, in my opinion, that I think all candidates should wear them and the audience should be invited to zap anyone they think is lying or exaggerating. That would be fun. I also think BBC Question Time would be much more watchable if they introduced this idea.
If you ask me a question at one of the North Devon hustings, please cut me some slack and make the same allowances as you would if you were watching one of those old films where they say “this film uses language that was appropriate for its era”. Up on Exmoor it is still that era.
Mind you, when you think about it, the work of famous sociologists like Foucault and Goffman warns about the dangers of elites excluding the majority of normal people from discussion and decision making by using jargon and language that normal people don’t use.
Therefore, maybe, I should still speak like I do in the pub.
I never set out to offend anyone, not in a nasty way, but I do make jokes and expect them in return. For instance, if you walked in my pub and I called you “big nose” even if you didn’t have one, I wouldn’t be at all upset if you retaliated and called me a “revolting peasant” which does happen from time to time. But then I might say something back like “Yes, you are right I am leading a peasant’s revolt actually” and then ask if you will be voting for me as you look like a bit of a peasant yourself with that big nose (and so on).
I will carry on with the media training as I don’t want to be arrested but I think It’s much better to deal with these things like that rather than electrocuting people with a chuffing 6 just for saying something harmless like “you xxxxer”.